- Ms Priya [Math teacher from higher secondary school] in the dream. She had three children. I picked one of them up. She said she had had four. Then i deduced that one had died. Quadruplets. There was a train catching scene. Running behind moving train. I catch it.
- Crazy dream about Sethuvamma murdering a child. In the new house or something. Then there is Deep, junior, who is in the mes and gets emotional and says thank you to me. Then i turn to him as if to whisper and kiss him then. He is very moved. Then there is house warming kind of thing where all relatives have come. They are all helping. I can't do anything properly thinking about the girl she killed and put in a trunk in some bedroom. Scene of Hari [junior] coming on a motorbike. It is pouring and yet i lie on the ground in the rain and bawl. Aware of the possibility of my nipples which are hard due to cold showing, my breasts showing in the rain. I just couldn't stop thinking of the girl she killed and just lay there and cried.
- 25th Decmber 2015, Night.
I am at Vai Vow's room. I see that there is a thief inside. I wait for him to come out. He does and i see it is Pal, a junior. He is ashamed and takes a rod like thing, a mop or something which he had stolen from the room to hit me. I ask him to please not kill me. Vai Vow arrives. He aims the rod at Vai Vow. We don't speak anything but cower in fear. Pal doesn't have the strength to kill us. He drops the mop and leaves. I get up and run behind him. I hug him tight and say that it is all alright. He cries but doesn't say anything. I tell him that he can sleep in my room that night. Vai Vow and i go to my room with Pal. When i wake up i see Vai Vow next to me. By then i have started thinking that i am with Jai, my ex lover. I get up and when i am about to say goodbye to Pal i see that Jai is also leaving with him. I call out to him. Jai, Jai, where are you going. He turns and i see that it is not Jai, it is a junior whose name i don't know. Pal laughs an evil laugh and says that it was fun for both of them to rape me. He says that that would shut me up about his robberies.
I am next seen with the chairperson of the sexual harassment committee of the institute. She is giving me confidence to fight against the juniors who raped me. I have to appear for a medical examination. I go to a lot of places with her for the purpose. At one mall i see that Jai is working and he says that the ride on the elevator is free of cost for him because he works there. I ask something about the possibility of him testifying for me. The dream dissolves or fades out of memory. It was terrifying.
- Mother comes into the room when i am taking bath. I am naked and embarrassed and ask her to please go out. She stands there and tries to talk to me. I beg her to please go out because i am naked. She doesn't. I feel very helpless.
Vai Vow said that the same night, i shouted, 'Daivame! [god!] how did you do that? He asked, 'What?', I said, 'Not you, Debja Ni', 'What did she do?', he asked, and i said, 'She sung this malayalam song so well.' He asked me which song and i even sang it.
Friday, 1 January 2016
Dreams, December 2015
The Truth About Me: A Hijra Life Story by A. Revathi My rating: 4 of 5 stars The book is very important because of the voice it is maki...
This was the second time i was reading the book. The first time i read it was during a bout of depression in film school. The copy was one ...
I started reading this book because I was so enamoured by ‘Ways of Seeing’ by Berger. I think I will read his novel next. It was not as ex...