Anand
Patwardhan and i go a long way back in time, you know, of him being
unaware of my existence and me being a faithful fan. Yesterday, two
things happened. I talked to him. I realised that as of now, Bombay is
my home. So i am overwhelmed.
I think i watched 'Ram Ke Naam' when my sister was preparing for her entance exams to various media schools. I was a child. I realised from the conversations she and my mother had that the film was a milestone. Babri Masjid was India. Like in a film, i now see myself in flashback in the drawing room of what once used to be my home in Calicut, Kerala.
Later, i started making films. I started attending VIBGYOR film festival and that's where i saw Patwardhan for the first time. 'Who would've thought' is the underlying emotion here. His white hair was connected to the disturbing visuals from 'Ram ke Naam' in my head. By then i knew a bit more of India and Babri Masjid. Not very much just a bit more.
I must have been in late teens when i won this John Abraham award at SIGNS film festival. The award ceremony was in Palakkad, Kerala and my jaw dropped when i learned that it was Patwardhan who was going to give me the award. I had by then realised that i had severe social awkwardness problems. But i made up my mind to hug him when he handed me the award. But when the time came, my heart was in my mouth i barely managed a smile, let alone a hug. But i got to sit a few seats away from him on stage. Prakash Bare was sitting next to me and was making small talk and i was like 'can i make them switch places using my head?'
Then i went to film school where a lot of things happened (and where i did most of them). But once, in Main Theatre, my most favourite place in the world, i watched 'Jai Bhim Comrade' and wept and wept. I picked fights with idiots to whom i usually don't talk when they called the film 'propaganda'.
Years later i moved to Bombay. Bombay and Pune were the two options in front of me and my partner who were starting a life together. I got a full time job in Bombay and in we moved to that dingy flat where all Bombay stories start. In real life and in films.
I hated Bombay. Still do. Never had a city been so hostile and unwelcoming to me. I lost my job, found odd ones, lost them, found them and lost them again. In one such, i had to shoot the massive farmers' march to Bombay. I had to stay at Azad Maidan overnight, alone, because i was doing the camera too and there in the early hours of morning was Patwardhan. He was operating his own camera and shooting the farmers. I made whatsapp jokes to the three people i talk to, saying Patwardhan is copying my shots. That's how i compensated for not going up to him and speaking, like others were. And yes, i clicked his pictures as if that is saying 'hello'. Friends rolled eyes on WhatsApp.
Again, a couple of years later, yesterday, they screened 'Gi' a short film i directed in Prithvi theatre, Bombay. First screening in Bombay. Forgetful and absent minded as crazy, i almost forgot the event, didn't know that Anand Patwardhan, Simantini Dhuru and Chandni Parek were curating it. Imagine my poor heart when i lost my way to the venue and ended up in a book store where this white haired man was looking at titles. I ran elsewhere to ask for directions, of course.
When i got in and sat down in the hall it was dark. When the lights went on after the first film, there he was. Then before i knew it, he was talking to me. From behind the hall, he was looking at me and was asking something about introducing the film. I don't quite remember what words came out and in which language but must have been a 'no' because they switched off the lights and started playing the film.
After the screening, again, he was talking to me! Asking me to go to the front of the hall and answer questions. As usual, i fumbled through my answers and said ridiculous things and then, Patwardhan asked me a question! About the film i directed. My mind went 'this is the chance. You finally get to make him understand that there is a person shaped like you in the world and that you talk.' My mouth went something like 'yeah, what you asked is very nice but since i am an idiot i am going to give you the stupidest answer ever because hey, first impressions!'
After that disaster, we spoke about SRFTI and laughed.
Then the evening was over and everyone went home. I started replaying the words i spoke and editing it in my head to give sensible answers and not stupidities. My rickshaw got into a fight with a taxi car. The car driver said 'if i didn't have a passenger, i would have got out and showed you'. My rickshaw driver said 'yeah, motherfucker, i would have liked to see that.' I went home, forgot to turn off the water supply to the tank and woke up in a flooded flat. Balance was restored to the world.
I think i watched 'Ram Ke Naam' when my sister was preparing for her entance exams to various media schools. I was a child. I realised from the conversations she and my mother had that the film was a milestone. Babri Masjid was India. Like in a film, i now see myself in flashback in the drawing room of what once used to be my home in Calicut, Kerala.
Later, i started making films. I started attending VIBGYOR film festival and that's where i saw Patwardhan for the first time. 'Who would've thought' is the underlying emotion here. His white hair was connected to the disturbing visuals from 'Ram ke Naam' in my head. By then i knew a bit more of India and Babri Masjid. Not very much just a bit more.
I must have been in late teens when i won this John Abraham award at SIGNS film festival. The award ceremony was in Palakkad, Kerala and my jaw dropped when i learned that it was Patwardhan who was going to give me the award. I had by then realised that i had severe social awkwardness problems. But i made up my mind to hug him when he handed me the award. But when the time came, my heart was in my mouth i barely managed a smile, let alone a hug. But i got to sit a few seats away from him on stage. Prakash Bare was sitting next to me and was making small talk and i was like 'can i make them switch places using my head?'
Then i went to film school where a lot of things happened (and where i did most of them). But once, in Main Theatre, my most favourite place in the world, i watched 'Jai Bhim Comrade' and wept and wept. I picked fights with idiots to whom i usually don't talk when they called the film 'propaganda'.
Years later i moved to Bombay. Bombay and Pune were the two options in front of me and my partner who were starting a life together. I got a full time job in Bombay and in we moved to that dingy flat where all Bombay stories start. In real life and in films.
I hated Bombay. Still do. Never had a city been so hostile and unwelcoming to me. I lost my job, found odd ones, lost them, found them and lost them again. In one such, i had to shoot the massive farmers' march to Bombay. I had to stay at Azad Maidan overnight, alone, because i was doing the camera too and there in the early hours of morning was Patwardhan. He was operating his own camera and shooting the farmers. I made whatsapp jokes to the three people i talk to, saying Patwardhan is copying my shots. That's how i compensated for not going up to him and speaking, like others were. And yes, i clicked his pictures as if that is saying 'hello'. Friends rolled eyes on WhatsApp.
Again, a couple of years later, yesterday, they screened 'Gi' a short film i directed in Prithvi theatre, Bombay. First screening in Bombay. Forgetful and absent minded as crazy, i almost forgot the event, didn't know that Anand Patwardhan, Simantini Dhuru and Chandni Parek were curating it. Imagine my poor heart when i lost my way to the venue and ended up in a book store where this white haired man was looking at titles. I ran elsewhere to ask for directions, of course.
When i got in and sat down in the hall it was dark. When the lights went on after the first film, there he was. Then before i knew it, he was talking to me. From behind the hall, he was looking at me and was asking something about introducing the film. I don't quite remember what words came out and in which language but must have been a 'no' because they switched off the lights and started playing the film.
After the screening, again, he was talking to me! Asking me to go to the front of the hall and answer questions. As usual, i fumbled through my answers and said ridiculous things and then, Patwardhan asked me a question! About the film i directed. My mind went 'this is the chance. You finally get to make him understand that there is a person shaped like you in the world and that you talk.' My mouth went something like 'yeah, what you asked is very nice but since i am an idiot i am going to give you the stupidest answer ever because hey, first impressions!'
After that disaster, we spoke about SRFTI and laughed.
Then the evening was over and everyone went home. I started replaying the words i spoke and editing it in my head to give sensible answers and not stupidities. My rickshaw got into a fight with a taxi car. The car driver said 'if i didn't have a passenger, i would have got out and showed you'. My rickshaw driver said 'yeah, motherfucker, i would have liked to see that.' I went home, forgot to turn off the water supply to the tank and woke up in a flooded flat. Balance was restored to the world.
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