- When you get tickets from conductors in buses you hold out your hand with the money. The person doesn't get it from you when you are holding it out like that. You will do that three times. Meanwhile you will look heare and there, talk to the person next to you and take your hand back etc then hold it out again.
- Leaf falling scene has to be incorporated because it's the end of SRFTI and people need to see it. Appachan/ Gee uses it as a bookmark.
- Sketch: Kozhikode beach. One of those things has grown wings and starts flying.
- Kid dusing play calling out അമ്മമ്മേ and everyone laughing
- Sketch's name will be എനിക്കും പറക്കാൻ മോഹം.
- Instead of beads you can have mercury spheres. Her touching it and it giving irth to tiny mercury balls. Name can be രസം Mercury
- Shoot a film in Alipore jail
- 23rd June Terrifying dream. Whole campus under the control of police. They are all armed and are employed by the majority of students and faculty and administration. Us 6/7 are stuck in our rooms and don't know what to do. It looks as if we have lost everything. Shubhadra is seen walking the corridor in front of cafe bar holding a paper. I charge at him and hold him by his tee shirt's neck. He tries to shake me off. I don't leave. I see that the paper in his hand is that of my FIR on Neeraj Sahay. All students have been empowered by the armed police. Terrible terrible feeling.
- 24th June Dream in which i tell Chee please bring me something when you come back from China. She says that it is offensive and i cannot say things like that. It's not right. I am hurt but i apologize and shut up. Han argues with Chee about this. I am not sure what i feel about that.
- 25th June Dreamed that Sabari was getting married.
- 26th June Dreamed that Rita di was really happy to do the role, that once she was offered a role and couldn't do it because she was called on work or something.
- 4th July 2016 11.40 p.m Depression of first order before beginning shoot at the house. Cinema will kill me.
- 12th July 2016 Shoot over. Was the worst shoot i've been in. Humiliated and tortured like mad. Still alive and it's a miracle that i've completed it. Need to write in detail about how film schools try to kill cinema.
- 21st July Brutal treatment from Sethuvamma and Kunju Thalona. She intervenes. Situation worse. Feel orphaned. In any case they were highly abusive. This had to happen one day. Hope one day when i am famous or something they'll come back to me. I hope they do.
- Most dreams are shoot related now. Had two in which i was shooting in a similar house as diploma. Kutty and kutty lookalike bitten to death by dogs in the dream.
- The chapter Sexual Violence in Seeing Like a Feminist has to be written about in the context of the case against Neeraj Sahay.
- Feeling like shit due to Sethuvamma's behaviour. There is a reason, i keep telling myself, there is a reason. There is a strong reason.
- 25th July 2016
- Terrible terrible dream about Kunju Thalona. Appachan present and declared dead in the end. Kunju Thalona was venomous and violent. Physical violence on me. She had to be carried away by people from a mental asylum or something. So disturbing and saddening the dream was.
- Bela Tarr: What a filmmaker. Late discovery
- Note to self: Do camera testing in all locations including vehicles. Eg. A bus.
- Preparing myself for the ബോഘക്ഷയം after first cut 1st August 2016
- Surveillance- ATM episode of drunk kissing *an abuser* Starting of a film.
- Breaking of knuckles can be a good transition from dream sequence to reality. Sound of knuckles breaking in dream. Visual of hands of girl breaking knuckles in sleep lying next to him (in reality)
- Beginning of a film. The incident with Han and Ouike. Police asking us to catch a man. Beating. All three of us go back to our respective lives but the incident does not leave us.
- *an asshole* kissing in green room. A person entering and saying sorry. The girl is petrified and the boy doesn't give a shit.
- Papaji dying-choking on food. After a nice joke mother goes to heat water and then he dies. He calls for help but no sound comes out.
- Death of Biren sir. Start with students going in groups.
- What happened at the tea shop. An elderly person drinking tea and saying AAAAH. Our girl gives him a look and he says 'not to you'. I did it for the tea [in bangla] The girl gets tea for herself and makes a similar sound (sexual? decide) The whole road and everybody including the old man turn and stop and stare. (stylize) The girl says 'Not to you. It's for the tea'.
- 15th September 2016
Biren sir died. Remember his face when he was brought in the mobile mortuary. Elle here to shoot me. Very nervous and uncomfortable.
- 1922 Dracula-funny now.
- Herzog's Dracula - liked. Watching it the same day was really good.
- Film Pinchu's kid as a ball and breathing for some time. Then let it be revealed as a cat.
- Life in SRFTI. The calendars. The dusty ones in the end.
- Metropolis - Really good. The principle idea behind the film is that of between head and hands there should be a mediator called heart. It has a happy ending which i didn't like.
- Pulp Fiction
Racist and sexist!
This time no problem with non linear narrative
Shyamal Sengupta and something about the gun - Travolta and Butch scene.
Really liked Butch's girlfriend.
- It reflects on your face. That is how people get to know you and your vulnerability.
- Documentary shoot by Elle. I thought Elle would be a sensible person but Elle was just trying to use me. Why is nobody sincere. What a horrible experience...What a bitter experience in court today. Crying and police etc. need to write about this in blog. On top of that, ragging again in SRFTI
Wednesday, 17 August 2016
Notes From the Leaves Diary
Dear Tarun Vijay, We heard that you called us ‘black’. We are very angry. We don’t know about the rest of the South Indians, but ...
At a great phase of life. A steady source of income. Closer to cinema than ever. In a strange land where I know no one and no one know...
I couldn't write Reflections [Ish renamed 'aftermath' to reflections. It still is what one felt before, during and after the t...