Wednesday, 25 May 2022

Hope Everyone Dies

I have returned to mallu land after ten years of living outside it. Broke up with my partner of 6.5 years, had an affair or something less than that (for him, not me), got my goddamn heart broken in it, at the verge of self harming again, made a film. 

It was five years ago, that i landed in Bombay with all my stuff from Calcutta. In LTT (Lokmanya Tilak Terminus). Vai Vow, my ex partner, was already in Bombay, waiting for me. He had been house hunting and had almost finalized a flat. Like all new comers in their first week there, i stayed in a friend's friend's place in D.N. Nagar. It had three females, one of whom was pretty rude to me, for no reason. 

I went to see the flats that vai vow had seen and decided all of them were crappy, including the one he had almost finalized. We started house hunting together and i finalized our first flat. Again, as is the case with most new comers in Bombay, it was a MHADA (Maharashtra Housing and Area Development Authority) building. 

I was reminded of all these when i headed to LTT a day back, to return to mallu land. Vai Vow came to see me off. 

I haven't got over the 'may-be-less-than-an-affair' and can't stop crying when i am not doing something else, like binge watching shows, writing or reading or playing wordle. Oh wordle happened in between, didn't it? It is one of my fondest memories with Appachan, this game which just got popular. Yes, we used to play it more than a decade ago. My sister had picked it up from school and passed it on to Appachan and me, who pretty much got addicted. 

I wish for appachan's smell, touch, love. I wish i could have had the life i promised to have, with Vai Vow. I wish i was loved by Dee, my may-be-less-than-an-affair. Most of all, i wish for everyone to be dead. 

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