Shit has Hit the Fan, Folks: Sexual Harassment Battle Continues with a Small and Sweet Victory

I am being advised from all corners by people who are genuinely concerned about me, my rape case against a professor, the general state of affairs on campus etc to not write the way i write. I understand everyone's concern. Activists, lawyers, filmmakers and a lot many well-meaning people think that what i write could be used against me in court. I am aware of it but that is exactly what i want to challenge. I don't know what will become of the case. What was important for me was for once to speak up against abuse. I did that. I can die a happy woman. 

I have been chronicling the sexual harassment battle that a very small group of students are fighting against all odds. I will continue to do that. I believe that everything needs to be documented. Even if tomorrow i get killed or lose my ability to think, i won't be worried that nobody wrote about what was done, the fight that was fought, the victories, failures, sadness, happiness and much more. I write the truth and if truth is used against me i am happy to be indicted that way. 

So back to the battle. 

Things were becoming increasingly difficult for us. Intimidation was in full swing. The attitude of students was the biggest problem. Even after the suspensions. the talks, the newspaper reports, the solidarity statements, students continued to be apolitical and aloof. Some of them wanted the suspended professors to be taken back. Even people who never even enjoyed their classes spun stories of how brilliant all of them were and fed it to the minds of first year students. This was on top of the fan club that the professors had created on campus while they were there. 

I was seeking help from a lot of people regarding whom i could approach to talk about my case and the general atmosphere on campus. From two different sources i was directed to an NGO called Swayam, run by Ms. Anuradha Kapoor. A few of us went to them. 

For the first time i felt at ease before somebody. I could speak without being judged. The major concern that we shared was how we could all have a lawyer for our hearings in the ICC. Swayam was curious where we had got the idea from. They said that the very purpose of ICC was to have a body which could handle sexual harassment charges without making the complainants go through the court proceedings. This was a relief and an epiphany for the complainants. Swayam said that they would write about the way in which ICC functions in detail to the institute. They also asked us to go the Women's Commission to request them to do the same so that it would put some pressure on the institute. The institute was co-operative. They wrote to another NGO suggested by Swayam requesting them to send somebody who knew the exact procedure to the institute so that the ICC could function accordingly. That was done. They even answered some of the queries of the students. I saw hope. It was put out pretty soon when i heard what the Dean of the institute had been doing. 

The Dean had taken all the trouble to go to a lot of students to trivialize the sexual harassment complaints. He was reported to have said things like 'If these are the standards of sexual harassment then i would also have to be hung', 'If these are the standards of sexual harassment i would also have to go to jail a number of times', 'Modern standards of sexual harassment cannot be applied in SRFTI' etc to both students and faculty alike. When i had gone to him with my complaint of sexual harassment against a student he had laughed the matter off. When a group of students with no power were trying to sensitize students on sexual harassment the head of the institute was busy making sexual harassment sound like it was weather. 

I did not know how to tackle this problem. From where i stood (after having complained against two professors and a student) he seemed untouchable. One more complaint would gather more haters. I didn't have the strength. But then there emerged three more students who were willing to complain and testify. Was it possible to make authorities take action against a person who did such things even though they held a superior position? What if like more than half the campus the Dean's superiors themselves thought it was silly? We, who now included faculty and students decided to give it a try despite our weak knees. If the enquiry went against us it would mean that we would have to continue being governed by the same Dean against whom we had complained. It would be like having to live in the same house as the person who abused you because he was set free for lack of 'proof'. Yet, we went ahead. 

We went to the Chairperson of our institute and told him our problem. He was curt but assured us that he would look into the matter and that we could count on him on that. I was skeptical as always but the next day we were informed that a one person enquiry committee had been set up to investigate the matter. The person was a retired judge. We would have to testify before him. It was to be done outside the institute so that our identities could be protected. On the day we had to testify i woke up to the news that the Dean had resigned. A student had posted the news on a WhatsApp group and it was spreading like wildfire. Some students said that they already knew about it. Some were thinking about throwing a farewell party. Later in a faculty meeting the Director announced to the faculty that the Dean had resigned. Nobody had a clue about how that had happened. We went ahead to testify. We did. By evening the news was corrected as 'the Dean had applied for voluntary retirement'. Either way it meant that he would no longer be able to talk about the 'standards of sexual harassment which could not be applied in SRFTI'. It was a victory. Led majorly by women. Of students and professors who had their reasoning right. It was the strongest message that was sent by the institute to the student community of how serious the issue of sexual harassment was. Thank you SRFTI, for this. 

The Dean admitted his guilt. His retirement application must have been approved because we don't see him on campus anymore. 

Yes, the shit has hit the fan. It is a war now. There still are students who corner other students and intimidate them. One person was asked why they had signed the collective statement in support of the complainants. They believed that that was what had led to the resignation/retirement of the Dean. People wanted to find out who had complained against the Dean. I don't know what they were going to do to them when they got to know. Even after the suspension of three professors at one party a professor while talking about a human rights violation that had happened to some students said 'Yes, it was bad but at least no one was raped'. It stinks so much but it's okay because now everyone can smell and see it. It will be easier to clean. And clean we will.

Rape After Rape or Medical Examination

I spoke to a human rights lawyer and she advised me to appear for the medical examination that i was supposed to undergo. Any proof was valid, she said. So i told the police that i was willing to appear for the exam. Since my abuse happened more than a year ago it was certain that it wouldn't give any results but it would just show that i have had sex. I don't know what kind of evidence that is. It's bizarre.
On 6th January 2016 i was taken to Office of the ACMOH (Medico Legal), South 24 Parganas, 32 Belvedere road, Alipore, Kolkata. We had to wait for a long time till the doctor came. I tried reading and distracting myself. I was tense because i had never been in such a situation where strangers would examine my pubic. A woman came to me and said that she was not being able to hear anything which was said on her phone and if i could help her. I asked her to switch off and switch it on and see. It worked. She smiled and told me 'i don't know these things, you know'. I smiled back.

When it was time for my exam, i was led to a room in which the phone lady was being examined. Outside an old woman pushed my face here and there and looked for any identification mark. I showed one on my palm. She said she needed another. She again started pushing my head and face. Then she pulled at my muffler. I said that i did not have any identification mark over there. She was satisfied only after pulling at my muffler, tightening its knot and making me remove it so that she could poke my neck in places.

I was asked to go in. I was going to record the whole thing in case something went wrong. The old woman asked me to keep my phone outside. I insisted to the police officers that i be allowed to take it in. It was my body after all. They told me that i couldn't do that, that the person inside was a doctor and i had nothing to worry about. I said that whether a doctor or not, they were both strangers to me. They didn't let me take my phone.

When i went in the male doctor was filling up some details on a paper. The woman said aloud about my phone woman that 'two hands could easily enter hers'. The doctor and nurse talked in Bangla. The woman said something to me. I didn't understand and asked her to speak in Hindi or English. She knew neither. The doctor told me that she had asked me to strip. I did.

The doctor read a line 'she was raped twice a week apart'. I said that no, mine happened more than a year ago. He said he was not talking about me. He asked me where i was studying, what course i was doing, what the professor's job was, where he forced me to have sex, if i had made films, how long they were, if i would be making lengthier films. At this point i shouted that he had better ask me only relevant details and that i was naked all the while he was talking so please hurry up. The old woman made sit on a bed and asked to spread my legs. She approached my pubic with a dirty red rag. I still haven't understood what it was for. Then she started pulling my vagina and looking into it. It hurt. I shrieked. She asked me to shut up. She was trying to stretch my vagina and it hurt like hell. I shrieked in pain again. She said 'why are you doing aargh. aargh.' I said it was hurting. 'Tat. What hurt', she said. One more time she pulled it wide i got up and wore my pants and said that that was all i was going to stand. I left.

Now please imagine a woman who chooses to undergo the test after a day of being raped. It is strong evidence, after all. Why should she undergo this torture of her already violated vagina being pulled open by strangers. This is rape after rape. Why should she strip in front of assholes? And yet when she goes back home after this torture, like in SRFTI, there will be people who tell her that she is lying, she is an attention seeker, a problem maker. Why is our police, our courts, our people and the whole system all so against women that we are really at a loss where to begin to clean up the mess.

The police then made me sign a paper which said that i refused to appear for the medical exam. I said that i had appeared and left half way because it hurt. A man told me that i should have asked if it hurt before i gave consent to appear. Oh yeah, it was my mistake to even think that people wouldn't dare do anything to a woman's already violated body.
This system has to change. I am sure my phone woman took all this in without saying a word. I would have heard from outside had she screamed. The country is not making it easier for women, it is just making women accustomed to violence. Shame on this country. 

SIGNS Film Festival 2015

When our film got selected in SIGNS Film Festival 2015 i was surprised. So far all the important festivals in Kerala were rejecting it. I thought that they must have made a mistake. When i participated in the festival because i was anyway going home for my recording of playback project i realized that most people there thought that Gruhapravesham [Moving In] was a film that needed to be watched. I was surprised again.

While i have my own guesses why it was being rejected by festivals like VIBGYOR and IDSFFK, i realized that it was all subjective. These guesses seemed to be the exact reason why the film was selected at SIGNS. The jury gave a special mention to the film. I had a talk with jury chairperson Deepa Dhanraj after the ceremony and what she said made me feel much better. It was a ray of hope after a long period of dejection. She said that she felt like showing the film to her daughter. Asked me to send her a link.

This is my festival diary. There were some really good films and some very bad ones. The biggest problem i encountered there was sloppy projections, pathetic acoustics and feeble turn out of viewers.

21st October
Anaadidhara G Aravindan
About folk dance forms of india. It is just information giving buthe has tried different and new things. Such a wonder to see this variety of art forms lined together. Tracking down from top [crane down] to reveal the costume and the artist [copy update: did already]. The goal is to reveal. I think it is best achieved that way in the case of costume and that kind of an art form.

Kalamandalam Gopi
Adoor Gopalakrishnan
Has tried to bring his own story telling methods into his documentary. Like childhood to adult transformation of Gopi in one mise-en-scene. Also introducing his wife and kalamandalam other guy who plays female roles with him often. Gopi is telling his story as scripted by Adoor. For the first time with subtitles, i enjoyed Kathakali. To enjoy it only english subtitles are required, in my opinion.

Awakenings - Short Film

DI and colour correction and what not. Horror feeling attempted. Hollywood model. Achieved to an extent but falls flat in some places. I saw excellent possibilities with the boy child who has sexual feelings for his babysitter. Didn't use that. The line 'children are watching us'.

Waves of Music
Pathetic documentary on Kochi's music culture.

Qissa-e-Parsi
Nice documentary.
The opening sequence was BRILIIANT. Ends with wife tying something to the old husband's neck. Rohinton Mistry. The sweetening of milk shots were great too.
Some portions again went to just information giving mode. But still good. Shot BRILLIANTLY.

Chitradham
About film makers in jail. Mystifying and clorifying the process of film making. I believe it should be like Day for Night. Not like this. Gimmickry.

Magic Print
Loved it Printing of clothes. Nice sound work. Nice photography. So nice to look at. Lacks narative but it's okay.

Penile code

Didn't like the parts where news was simply read on black screen. But otherwise good. A penis comes to a woman lesbian. Why not gay. Denying agency of gay people.

Aandolan - Vaibhav Hiwase
Brilliant. About a problem faced by villagers and how they battle it. All the scenes with the old man and the man who is a martyr and his mother who loses her senses and calls for him at night. The bird. The man's trembling hands feeding the bird. The male lead has performed really well. The way the film ends with him jogging in the room. Really good.

Ore Udal.
Didn't like it. Sajitha Madhathil as a nun. She gets raped and has a child. Bad film.

Sudha
Importantbecause it is voice from that place. Bad film. Woman killing police officer who tries to rape her. Drinks alcohol. Why is it called hunger. Their problems should see light.

Dark Frames
A porn video wife. Husband. She is sending him pictures in bra etc. His colleague tells him. He becomes confused. Tries to do the same with her. She gets suspicious. They reconcile. Man leaves phone in autorickshaw. That portion horrible. What does that mean. Revenge porn doesn't exist is what is implied.

Kapila - Sanju Surendran
Didn't like the home-family portion. Chanting etc.

Scattered Clouds - Debja Ni.
Documentary about lonliness. The director's loneliness. The portion the taxi in which the taxi driver talks about it is against the essence of the film, i felt. But that's again truth.

Deepa Dhanraj was asked why she was addicted to documentary film makers. Four years of working in Kannada she was no interested in fiction. Intimate association with people you are filming. This stays even after filming. In a documentary film where does a film end and reality begin. Have you done justice. Have you done justice to the issue
It's a collaborative practice. You both (the director and the subject) want to bring out the story. That's not the way i film. The human relationship takes over. What does it require you to do. That human relationship.
Thekind of creativity shown in documentaries in india outshines fiction film making.
Eradication of education system in india. So many colleges in Gujarath removed humanities totally. Eduction is to serve industry according to Modi. Then it is very narrow. We have to teach humanities.

Invoking Justice
Women speaking up from muslim community has a huge impact. Speak up in front of men. The final outcome is not winning the case. Small societal changes.

Muzaffarnagar Baaqi Hai: All India Protest Screening and Solidarity Meet

25th August, 2015

Attended the screening of documentary Muzaffarnagar Baaqi Hai directed by Nakul Singh Sawhney. Kolkata held three screenings of the film at three locations and different times of the day. At
Muktangan Rangalaya where the screening was organized by Cinema of Resistance, Kolkata, it was preceded by a performance by activists against the various fascist measures taken by the state to hinder freedom of speech. 

The screening of Muzaffarnagar Baaqi Hai which happened in Kirori Mal College under Delhi University was disrupted by ABVP goons. The film probed into the 2013 riots which happened in Uttar Pradesh and the involvement of BJP in it. Protest screenings were scheduled on 25th August 2015 all over the country. That was the day filmmaker Shubradeep Chakravorty whose work En Dino Muzaffarnagar also had been censored and attacked by the right wing for the same reasons had died.

After the screening we were informed that the screenings at Santiniketan and Chennai had been stopped by right wingers. Students from FTII who were present during the screening also spoke about the ongoing strike in the institute against the appointment of Gajendra Chauhan as the chairperson.

Before the screening at Muktangan Rangalaya, Raj Behari, Kolkata

Vai Vow, my classmate and i watched the film in a packed hall. The sound was bad and the projection was a little slanted but what the documentary showed was what it was all about. Even though i have differences of opinion in the way it was cut and filmed and the storytelling itself i also believe that the film was not about any of those at all. I could feel and see the reason for whatever was wrong with the country called india in there.

It was only a few days ago that i had read about yet another incident of BJP activists being caught with beef. Not that it had anything to do with Muzaffarnagar. Yet these days i feel most of the things i read are intertextual with the happenings like that of Muzaffarnagar. Why do riots happen? How do they happen? Whose country is hindusthan and what are minorities like muslims going through in this country are questions which need to be addressed every day in every other conversation, in my opinion. The documentary clearly analyzes the role of political parties, majorly BJP, in the Muzaffarnagar riots. It also digs into how it resulted in the sweeping victory that BJP had in the elections which followed it. It spoke about how the farmers lost to communal powers, the use of women to generate violence by accusing muslim men of assaulting hindu women, of the situation of dalits, how they suffered regardless of who was in power. The portions which exposed how the 'muslims steal our women' story was made up and fake were powerful. The portions in which hindu women spoke for themselves saying 'we are not safe in our own houses and they expect us to be safe outside' followed by the speaker's poignant look into nothing still remains in my mind.

I felt that the whole event caught the essence of their slogan 'You stop us at one place, we spring up everywhere!'
I will not say that Muzaffarnagar Baaqi Hai is a well made documentary. What i will say and continue saying is that everybody should watch it either as a mark of solidarity against the fascist government in place in the country now or as a reality check. How we have reached this state of affairs where Mr Narndra Modi is our PM and every day there is one remark or the other which essentially urges india to be more and more hindu in outlook and living.

After the screening someone asked me if i thought that filmmaking was a way to protest or resist anything. I gave an emphatic yes as an answer and added that i also thought that art was the best way to resist against anything at all. I believe it and hope to practise it. I also believe in keeping records. Coincidentally on the day of the screening someone in the institute had asked me why i wanted a record of everything that happened put up on social media. It sounded ironical to me, coming from an aspiring filmmaker. Isn't a filmmaker's struggle or quest also that of recording itself? Tomorrow i will be dead like Shubradeep Chakravorty. Like how he had left his film, his record, i would want a record to remind people that i had lived with such and such people and in such and such times. Insignificant as i am is how significant the time i live in is. 
Long live freedom of speech! 

PITFB: When Kozhikode Joined FTII in its Protest

On 17th June 2015 a group of youngsters who joined hands through social media organized a protest meeting in solidarity with FTII (Film and Television Institute of India) at Mananchira. I went. Back in Kolkata SRFTI (Satyajit Ray Film and Television Institute of India) had already held protest meetings. It was in solidarity with FTII and also against the changes in syllabus and in particular to save the playback project for the junior batches. FTII had protested against the appointment of Mr. Gajendra Chauhan as its Chairperson. Mr. Chauhan's only claim for eligibility for the post seemed to be that he played Yudhishtir in Mahabharata series. Apart from this he was also busy being an active Narendra Modi supporter and making promotional videos? for the P.M. Clearly, the aim was to saffronize the school. We couldn't let that happen. A huge majority of people in these two film schools were ones who had cinema as their passion. Most of us believed in freedom of expression and independent film making. We respected art. We hated propaganda.

When i saw my classmates and fellow film mates sing and shout in protest i felt restless at home, Kozhikode. The next day SRFTI ans marched to JU (Jadavpur University) and students there too joined. Eminent film makers from the city who were also alumni of FTII joined the rally. I couldn't sleep. The next day i saw on social media that a group of people were organizing a similar protest in Mananchira and that another one of the same kind was going to be held at Kochi. I felt proud. I liked it also because these were not film students, but only people who genuinely understood how serious the matter was and felt the need to resist it.

Sky was overcast even at 3:45 p.m. A small group of people were sticking signs on a cloth which was wrapped around the base of statue of S.K Pottekkad.There were some familiar faces.

By the time i had a coffee and two teas and came back at 5 p.m Shahabaz Aman, renowned composer and ghazal singer was there. We circled the park singing, raising slogans against fascism and asking Gajendra Chauhan to 'go back'. After reaching S.K again several people spoke of the need to resist saffronization of art, history etc across the country. Among them were film makers like Gopal Menon and Anil Kumar. Mr. Anil Kumar spoke of how farcical it was that Mr Chauhan 'assured' that his politics wouldn't be propagated while he was chairperson. He said that his appointment itself meant his politics and was a sign of how it was going to be spread on campus. Shahabaz Aman sang 'Zammilooni', a song from the film 'Annayum Rasoolum'. He said that he chose it because of its director Rajiv Ravi, acclaimed cinematographer and director who had earlier expressed solidarity with the strike at FTII.

Shahabaz Aman sings Zammilooni

It rained intermittently. People sang and spoke through it. It felt good.

I am yet to arrange artists for my playback (Play it the F**k Back or PITFB) project. This is more important as of now. Politics is inseparable from art and this has to be made clear in all ways possible. All art was political and that was why artists had to be responsible. We shall not let it be engulfed by Sangh Parivar goons. June was approaching its end. The next day, Vai, my classmate was going to arrive. I was excited and equally scared. I was a terrible host and the house was a mess.

Workshop by Tanmay Agarwal: In Solidarity with Second Year Students of Direction

It is not the first time that i am coming across huge injustice being done in the name of pedagogy. Abuse and harassment in the name of education starts from the time a person enrolls in any educational institution. I will, however have to concede that it is in this film school that i met with the most dehumanizing practices carried out in the name of cinema.

There is something called 'film school culture', i came to know when i started my education here. As to what this precisely was, nobody had an answer. There were vague concepts. People did weed, drank, swore, discussed cinema, worshiped certain faculty, dismissed certain others and looked forward to the greater cinema that was soon going to happen. It all sounded fine, i could evade it or take it in. They only sounded like musings of a lost film enthusiast to me. But no, it was the norm. If you chose to be out of it, you weren't a filmmaker.

I was surprised when several of my fellow students gave me the key to good cinema. Listen to S Choudhary (one of the professors) when he was high. He only gave lessons when he was drunk. The sober classes weren't the real deal. Words of wisdom come only from an inebriated soul. People failed to understand what was wrong with such a statement. How much violence it contained. It only meant that those who didn't deem such a space fit for them were out of the 'great cinema' they dreamed of. Nobody seemed to quite understand what the importance of space was.

With the talk i had with the same professor about Tarun Tejpal i gave up on the much celebrated drinking sessions. It was simply not worth the wine while. Cinema i would explore, but kicking aside with confidence all that was created by a largely male, and desperately power seeking structure.

So when i heard what happened in the Lighting and Lensing workshop conducted under the 'guidance' of Tanmai Agarwal from two of my juniors in Direction and Screenplay Writing Department, i was not surprised. Infuriated, yes.

Oh, gurus, divine teachers, preachers of cinema and 'good' life, spare us poor souls, please. May be it's news to you, but really it's called common sense. People are equal. You are a teacher? No, you don't get to harass your pupils. You don't get to make them do manual labour in the name of education. If you chose to teach you chose to be responsible. You do that, and we shall then talk of cinema.

I learnt that the workshop was about seeking the meaning of life. That there was 'punishment'. One of the students was asked to carry bricks from one end of the campus to another and construct a brick structure which looked good. Another was asked to follow the former with her head held down and was asked not to speak to anybody else.

Punishment? An aesthetically brilliant brick wall? Oh dear sir, you truly are just another brick in the wall and we don't need no education to learn that.

I further learned that all the students were asked to make blog entries on the workshop every day with input given by the respected professor. If he didn't like what was written he would ask the students to change it. A little promotional work for his own website was demanded too. Wah. Wah. Applause. Whistle. Truly cinematic. 

I love blogging. While i am glad that the eight 'well behaved' students of the class started blogging i am shocked at the coercive nature of the teaching practices. I have been blogging about a lot of things happening on campus for more than a year now. There were professors who told the dean that i was engaging in slander, that i was calling him names. There were conscious efforts to portray my social media activities and blog posts as anti-institute. Where are the professors now? Why the blind eye towards this ridiculously mediocre exercise? 

Like during the time i raised my voice against ragging on campus i see that the classmates and faculty alike are ostracizing the two victims of 'film school culture'. They are being accused of ruining the otherwise splendid workshop. That itself is a clear indicator of violence. No, you don't get to accuse your fellow students of 'ruining it all'. Pursuit of happiness as one of the students who was harassed has aptly titled the workshop, [apparently Lighting and Lensing workshop was not about that, but about finding the meaning of life and getting enlightened] is not about silencing voices. All voices need to be heard and there is no hierarchy in it all. You speak, i speak, we all speak and let there be noise. Noise is good. Silence, is on the other hand, something which exists only to be broken. Film students, ain't you all, should be knowing this, i presume?

The problem in detail is on Sreecheta's blog and Mainak Guha's open letter to Tanmay Agarwal

Moral Policing

It struck me as a little ironic that the Kiss of Love protest in Kolkata against moral policing had got over just a couple of weeks ago when i got moral policed for the first time in Kolkata. Kiss of Love protests which has its origin in an incident which happened in my hometown, Calicut, first happened in Kochi, Kerala and soon spread to other cities. I had written about it here. A post about various reactions on this movement can be read in English here. I am happy we are living in a time when scores of people across the country are unapologetic and up against all forms of moral policing.

I had been in similar situations many a time back home. The most recent one was when my male friend and i were asked to state the nature of our relationship including details of when we had met etc by city traffic police in Calicut, Kerala. It had never happened in Kolkata and i was in fact surprised about it in the beginning. Later i almost forgot that such a thing existed. I could roam around the place at ungodly hours and not be questioned by anybody. I could be with anybody i wanted to and not be asked what my business was at any place.

I got a whiff of it at Santiniketan. Had gone there on last new year's alone and was stopped by two men who weren't even police.

D Jeet, S Kar and i had decided to walk to S Kar's place a few kilometres from the institute. We had no purpose. It was a lazy early winter afternoon and we just felt like going some place. We walked for a couple of hours taking unnecessary detours and reached a vast expanse of land beside a huge pond. It looked beautiful and we rested for some time there. When we were on our way back two men on a motorbike stopped us and asked us what we were doing there and who we were. They were speaking in Bangla. S Kar and D Jeet said that we were film students and were there on a location recce. They were not impressed. S Kar's talk with them resulted in one of the men pushing him by the collar. They were rude and intimidating. They were arguing that the place wasn't safe at that hour (around 6 pm) and that we had no business to be there. D Jeet was trying to be polite and agree with everything they were saying just so that they would let us go. After a point i couldn't take their tone and the numerous accusations they were showering on us without any valid reason. I asked one of the men to show their id proof. Please keep in mind that this is the first thing that one should do if one was to be in such a situation. Most of the time they wouldn't be police, like the men who questioned me at Santiniketan. These people however, were police. I asked them what was wrong in us being there that being public property. They kept on saying that the place wasn't safe. One of them called their superiors and asked us to wait till they arrived.

The id card that one of the men produced when i asked for it showed his designation as 'sepoy'. I am not sure what it was of the superiors he called upon. They arrived in a jeep. They too were rude. They shouted at us for being there. 'Bhadro mohila', one of them said about me, suggesting it wasn't right for a 'decent', seemingly 'educated' woman like me to be there at that hour. Decency is supposed to be a good virtue. What is considered decent also matters when it comes to morality. Clearly for those men a girl being with two men at an isolated place with apparently nothing to do was indecent. This is why we need to be cautious about being called 'decent'. If indecent is the tag line one has to bear for just being oneself, then yes, everyone has to claim their right to be indecent. If it were just two men there and they were questioned it probably wouldn't have been about the decency but just about the audacity. To none of my male friends who were questioned in similar instances of moral policing was the question of 'decency' raised. Gender changes the aspects of morality and the accusations. Class matters too, so does the colour of your skin which translates to caste in India. Frankly i was quite surprised when they said that even with my dark complexion. It had to be the clothes which showed that i was quintessentially middle class.  

The new bunch of police people continued harassing us for several minutes. S was trying to explain how we were only going to check some scenery out for a shoot that was soon going to happen. He was trying to tell them how he had been to the same place earlier and had even shot there (this part was true. A lot of students from my own batch including S had been to the same place for a shoot as a part of a workshop that happened before our mise-en-scene exercise). D was again peacefully trying to agree and get us all out of the place. The men however came up with a new demand that we went to the police station with them. This was after we had all shown them our id cards. S had even given his address which was some three kilometres away from the place.

I asked them if they spoke English. I questioned the man who was speaking the most and asked him why we were being asked to do that, what prevented us from entering that place at any hour of the day and why we were being held that way. I asked them to arrest us on proper charges if at all they wanted to take some action on three people being at a place in the evening. Then when he started replying in bangla asking D to explain what he was saying to me i repeated the same in hindi.
After much beating around the bush and more harassment and exchange of words they tentatively uttered the words 'you may now go'.

I wasn't relieved or happy. Was enraged and felt violated. I will, however have to admit that if the same incident were to happen in Kerala, all three of us would have ended up in jail. They wouldn't have hesitated to even beat us up or molest us. So this is the plight we need to be ashamed of. One has to be happy that it didn't happen in a place worse hit by moral policing when it is a common practice. One is left with no choice but to compare and feel relieved. If there is some consolation it is in the fact that more and more people are openly protesting against it.

After some time all three of us started laughing and cracking jokes on the incident. We had some great ghugni, buttered bread and tea on our way to S's place. I thought about it for some time after reaching the institute too. I have decided if i happen to be in a similar situation with somebody hereafter i will just smooch the people with me in protest. Just kiss.

A 'Titli' Flying High

12.9.2014, Friday

For students in a film school especially for those in direction and cinematography, nothing provides more inspiration than pass outs who made it big. On friday the institute hosted a special screening of 'Titli' directed by Kanu Behl who is an alumnus. Titli had already made news by being the entrant in the Un Certain Regard section of Cannes film festival. Both Kanu Behl and his cinematographer Siddhardh Diwan were present during the screening and after it for a Q and A session.

Titli is about oppression in families. The story telling is so powerful, it hits you bang in the head from the screen. In most families oppression continues as a cycle. It passes from one generation to another till the cycle is broken by someone. Everyone in Tili's family is a ruffian, an abuser. They make a living out of stealing cars. Titli is trying to break out of this cycle by buying a parking lot but it seems like it is the hardest thing to do. The film apart from a brilliant script has extra ordinary acting, some of them by non actors.

Titli is also awe inspiring because of the way it was made. It gives young filmmakers hope. 'Titli' was produced under the banner of Yash Raj Films one of the biggest production houses in the country. Kanu Behl had assisted Dibaker Banerjee in two of his projects 'Love Sex aur Dhoka' and 'Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!' before starting work on Titli's script. When YRF approached DBP in their usual way of making a director sign a contract of three films one of it went to Kanu which became Titli. By the time the movie was in the last stages of post production it was already selected for Cannes which was a remarkable thing to have happened to a debutant director.

Kanu said that 'in a way which sounds emotionally charged' he made Titli like it was his final project. He explained in detail the trajectory of the script. During two of the three major drafts one of the characters appeared carboard like which he tried to rectify, he said. The seed of the story was obtained from a newspaper report on a hit and run case. The person arrested was from a family of three brothers. That was pretty much all that stayed out of the real incident, Kanu added.

The reahearsal workshops were intense and were intended to make the actors get the emotion behind the characters. He was trying to make them relate with the charecters with the actors' personal experiences.

Siddharth Diwan, the cinematographer when asked about the choice of shooting on 16mm explained how it was a joint decision. Kanu wanted everything to look as if it was from ten years ago and based on the tests that were done before the shoot they decided that 16mm was what was best suited for this. He also explained how he tried to achieve the filmmaker's concept that Titli's house was the only one in the area which was left like how it was, tiny among a lot of tall structures hovering high above it. He said he tried to make it look as if almost no direct sunlight entered the house and all that one saw was lit by light which was seeping in through a lot of structures which stood tall around the small house. All the locations were real, he said. Titli's house, however was modified a bit. Initially one could see the road outside from the rooms inside. This was changed into an L shape from which no view of the outside world was possible, thereby giving the feeling of being trapped.

Kanu said that the most of the discussion with Siddarth during the prep days was about shared interests in arts, literature, music etc. While talking about the edit, (the editor is again a pass out from the institute, Namrata Rao. Sound was done by another alumnus, Pritam Das) Kanu said that the basic idea was that of making people aware that they were watching someone being watched. That was the primary thought on which she worked and may be due to this reason you see a lot of dialogues happening when you are watching the person listening to it rather than the person saying those dialogues. Pritam, the sound designer has done a remarkable job in both the location recording and the design itself. Kanu strongly opposed the customary noise cleaning procedure all the tracks in the industry underwent to avoid the polished sound.

The cut we watched was one which is going to Cannes. When asked what was different in the cut for theatres Kanu quipped 'Pay for the ticket, go the theatres and watch'.

May be of Change

The campus is in full bloom with May flowers, and many more purple, yellow and other colours. Yes, that is also a point I am trying to make. Most of us don't know the names of the trees and plants around us. Its also a coincidence that its in this month of the legendary workers' struggle that the first organized protest from the students of our department happened. Even though we had earlier protested against the haphazard way the course was moving ahead, this time we were more organized, our demands stronger. For the first time in our batch, a whole department of students boycotted a workshop.
I am documenting the progress of this students' protest.

On 2nd May 2014 we got a mail from the department informing us of a workshop to be held from today, 5th May, 2014. This was the immediate cause of the meeting which we held on 3rd May. In the meeting we decided that we will not go ahead with this workshop unless our pending work is sorted out and a proper vacation be granted. The pending work includes a workshop on lighting and lensing, one on sound design, post production work and screening of the III Demo film and the post production work of the mise-en-scene project. A letter addressed to the HOD was drafted. This was submitted today and the workshop was called off because we boycotted it. A meeting is to be held with other faculty after which decisions on these topics will be taken.

I, however, also had other proposals to the administration which are not academic in nature. Like I said, most of us are completely unaware of the trees around us. I went to the registrar and suggested that we place a name plate over ALL the trees and plants on campus, which is a handsome number for 50 acres of land, showing their scientific and common names. He was totally supportive of this and I am happy. The second suggestion, however, faced some scepticism. Throughout the year the campus has some contruction work or the other going on. The current ones in progress are the contruction of a studio and a new hostel. I suggested that photographs of all the labourers be taken (said that I am willing to do it, rather I AM doing it) and those be framed and hung in the buildings after the work is done. It didn't spring up from earth one fine day, did it. I think we need to value human labour in some way possible. The registrar said he wasn't sure about this. I heard the usual 'I have no problem, but don't know if others will agree'. He asked me to put forward both the proposals in writing. Going to do that.

Let the month of May be of change.

May flowers on campus. Photo, kunjila mascillamani henry

Ranu Ghosh's Documentary Screening

20.1.2014

Ranu Ghosh's documentary 'Quarter Number 4/11' was screened in the Main Auditorium. It was followed by an interactive session with the director.

South City Mall is the biggest here. It is the biggest I have been to. We were taken there in I semester as a part of our observation exercise in Direction practicals. Later had gone there to buy my first pair of branded jeans. Recently during the edit of our first Demo Film Sankha had told us that there is an interesting story behind the mall. It was then that I first heard about this man who refused to leave the compound taken up by the corporate group for the construction of the mall and the flats. But he presented it in a jovial manner that it never occurred to me that it was a serious issue.

Quarter Number 4/11 is about this man- Sambhu. Before South City bought the place it was housing quarters of employees of Usha company which manufactures sewing machines and fans. The company shut down following this buying of land and they were all dismissed and asked to leave their homes. As usual they were paid a nominal compensation. All of them left the place except Sambhu and his family. He had a case going on in court with the company and refused to leave till they paid him compensation.

I asked a classmate from here if everyone is aware of these issues behind the famous South City complex. He said it was not a big issue here and that most people are unaware of it. On my part I have decided never to go there. It doesn't make any difference to what has already happened. The metro project to Dum Dum airport which is progressing in full swing is sure to displace many such common people. I won't stop using that service because of that. Metro is one of the cheapest means of travel in the city. Activism is elastic depending upon your comfort for a hypocrite like me. Nevertheless it makes me feel better when I take some steps possible from my part in protest.

Sambhu's lone quarters was taken down by the South City authorities at night one day. He started sleeping in the bus in which he was working as the conductor. Some months later he was killed in a hit and run incident.

I didn't like a lot of things in the documentary. But it deserves attention due to the issue it talked about. Lone person's struggle against huge power structures is important any day. Everyone of us will be in such a situation at some point in life.

The director during the interactive session said something I really liked. Often documentary film makers are questioned about what they did about the issue they were talking about in their films. She said something to the effect that make the film is what they did. I agree completely. When people watch something or read something about an issue somehow they tend to think that the creators are irresponsible people who just made something because that's what they do and left the people there with their issues. But one needs to understand that one does not 'just make films'. Doesn't 'just write about it'. These are all ways of expressing solidarity or protesting or raising voice. This cannot be ignored and seen different from a dharna or hunger strike in protest. This documetary was made over a period of five years. The director was asked why she did nothing to investigate the death of Sambhu. She replied that she had moved on to other projects and was very straightforward while saying it.

She also said that she didn't care much about the quality of the image as long as she got to say what she wanted to. In this film some parts are shot by Sambhu himself. The director was denied permission to film the constrction workers of the complex. So she taught Sambhu the basics of operating her camera and asked him to shoot them. She said that when she watched the rushes she realized that her footage and his looked alike. This was because Sambhu was observing what she was doing and had tried to do exactly that. So most of what he shot she didn't use in the film. But a lovely sequence of what he shot of his wife remains in the film. While shooting that Sambhu had hit the zoom button by mistake and the image is super close-ups of his wife using an Usha machine.

I will remember Sambhu who fought and fought and succumbed only to death in his struggle. I will remember Quarter Number 4/11 which stood alone amidst that towering structure of South City for a long time. His wife and son who stood by him throughout.

Kudos to the director.

Tarun Tejpal, Film School et al.

1st December 2013

Yesterday Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka was arrested for raping his subordinate. Yesterday was also when I for the first time talked in length to one of my professors. He teaches direction and is sometimes called the 'Rhitwik Ghatak for beginners'. This is because he, like the maestro in his film school days , spends most of his time in campus drinking and doing weed with students. I used to have so much faith in him till yesterday when he imposed his opinion of Tarun Tejpal incident on us. Some of the very valuable lessons in film making I have learnt were taught by him, I admit. But I have lost faith in his methods because I cannot be part of anything which trivializes rape or molestation of any kind.

I am tired of writing about the kind of insensitivity that prevails in this space. Be it among students or professors utter ignorance of things happening around or fanaticism of various nature is the norm. Anybody who breaks away from it is an outcast. Why disturb the peace? I now wonder what peace is. Here if everyone is happy in their tiny worlds of hatred towards people they don't approve of: women, Dalits, Muslims, for example, its peace. I have not figured this peace out. Will never be able to.

In the one night I spent listening and talking to S Choudhary, our professor, I realized that there are some things which are fundamentally wrong with his drinking sessions with students.

1. The students are a select few. There is no explanation given to the criteria of selection. Students who are thus selected feel privileged and part of something which is unattainable to the rest. This is important because along with his view of the world he also gives his thoughts on film making during these sessions. This 'gyaan' is usually useful in some way. Thus some students miss out on some guidelines which would have helped them just because the professor chooses to share his wisdom mostly during drinking sessions. This is a serious discrimination which is also a little funny. Here if a student doesn't drink or do weed it means that they miss out on important lessons. That must be a first.

2. In these sessions I realized, the professor shares his view on students who are not present there. This too is unacceptable, for me. I don't believe that any teacher has the right to discuss the status of one student with another. This is placing one of the students in a pedestal. It brings in a power equation. Why should a set of students be bestowed with the 'privilege' of being part of a judgement on their own classmates. I believe all students are equal regardless of their academic merit. In a film school work by some students are liked and are better than the others. But this is no standard to define their future.

3. There is no scope of a healthy discussion. Drunk or not the professor wants his students to keep their disagreements with themselves. He cannot be corrected and therefore it is pointless to raise objection, he says. In that case, i think one should keep their opinions to themselves. Being silent, for me is agreement.

4. These sessions push students who are part of it to be the professor's entourage. One to pour him a drink, another to light a cigarette and yet another to roll a joint. No student-teacher equation demands this servitude.

Yesterday when Tarun Tejpal became the topic of discussion, rather the choice of his beatitudes, he said that it was a set-up. That Tejpal was a Congress man and this was a ploy by the BJP. He said that it was impossible for a man to rape someone in 2.5 minutes in an elevator. That Tejpal being the man of his stature would never do such a thing because he would definitely know of its consequences if exposed. The girl was a bitch and a pawn in the hands of BJP because she ate Tejpal's salary for such a long time and then came up with this.

I couldn't stand the nonsense. I told him that what he said was bullshit. He went on with his 'what can a man do to a woman in 2.5 minutes in an elevator!'. I told him that I could tell him n number of things that could be done. He didn't ask for an explanation, but I am ready to ennumerate them should he talk of Tejpal again. I walked out of there pretty soon.

I decided i will never attend S Choudhari's outside the class sessions again. Yes, i might miss some valuable lessons my classmates gain from them. But i truly believe film making is not more important than a person's beliefs. I would rather call a spade a spade than make a movie which pleases everyone.

Update:

8th December 2013.

Yesterday S Choudhari was at a students's short film wrap-up party. He called me and whispered in my ear that P Mahmood, another professor was complaining that i wasn't focussed on my work these days. I already knew about it because she was saying the same to all my classmates too. It was bothering me a bit but i had let it go for the moment. But S Choudhari asked me what the problem was and i told him that i honestly didn't know what she was talking about. He added that Ms. Mahmood thought that i was in some zone and that it was because of S Choudhari himself. I told him that i was perfectly fine and that if i had known what she was finding wrong with me or my approach to work i could've worked on it. Then again he whispered what the reason was in my ear. 'Two feminists cannot stand each other'.

I said that i disagree and left the party itself.

The internal war between the two professors is taking its toll on me. But what the hell, christmas is here, Kolkata is all the more beautiful and life bloody well goes on.

Ragging in SRFTI: The sad state of film schools

This November its going to be a year since I joined the institute. What happened here before any learning of cinema was ragging. I had written about it here, in Malayalam. Now the new batch is going to come and they are already being ragged and I am sure they will be in future also. I believe ragging is a blatant violation of human rights and is a crime. I am going to paraphrase the article in English here.

Classes started on 26th November 2012. There was a welcoming ceremony and a dinner by the institute. Soon after the dinner started ragging. The seniors were seated in a dark corner which now all of us know is the open air theatre aka OAT and were asking us to do various acts. Ragging is a process in which seniors of an educational institution asks the juniors there to perform acts and abuse them according to their whims. In the OAT I was asked to say 'action' aloud standing on the benches, was abused and was asked to go the hostel. In the hostel is the terrace where the elaborate and extended version of ragging was happening. The terrace which I call the terrace is called the 'ragging terrace' by all due to this reason. There ragging would continue till 6 or 7 in the morning or later. I didn't go there the first day. I had no intention to on any of the days which followed.

During those days the girls were allotted a quarter in the staff block. I noticed that the next night there were two day scholars also staying there. When I asked them why that was they said that the seniors had told them that they had to stay back for ragging. I found all this very absurd and silly. I didn't go that night either. But soon came my batchmates asking me to go get ragged. They said the seniors had said that unless the whole of our batch was present in the terrace they would not cease ragging. My bathcmates' tone was soon shifting from desperate to impatient to demanding to arrogant. One of them asked me why it was such a huge problem for me when all others were ready to be ragged. After half an hour of this and more bullshit I said I shall show my face for five minutes and return.

It was too cold in the terrace. I couldn't talk properly because my teeth were chattering so. There a lot of people were watching the fun from floors above. I was texting and talking to my friend and was asked to switch my phone off. When I refused to do this they started showering more abuses on me than before. One of them came very close to me and said that this would have serious consequences. I no longer could make out anything which was being said because nobody completed any of their sentences. It was all threatenings which would be overlapped with swear words.

Meanwhile others were being questioned on the 'hot chair', being asked to hold the boom rod which was a mop, to roll the camera (a fire extinguisher) etc.

I walked out of there.

That was the beginning of it all.

The whole of that night my bathcmates were sent to D quarters in intervals of five minutes where I was trying to sleep. The seniors were sending the message that if I refused to go back and get ragged there would be serious consequences.

I refused to go. My own batchmates started holding me responsible for the fact that they were getting ragged mercilessly. During those days nobody would talk to me. I called the registrar and the HOD of the department of Direction and Screenplay Writing to report ragging. No action was taken. The next day a group of faculty and the registrar came to our class to ask if our batch was facing any problems. A lot of people said they were. I myself was surprised. Then a register with names and photos of seniors was given to us to identify the raggers. With the names of five people I could recognise I gave a complaint. Action was taken. 8 students were suspended and expelled from hostel temporarily. An enquiry committee was set up and we were all asked to testify. As a result of that two were permanently suspended from hostel. Strict warning was given to the rest. This report came out in the media. This too they said was done by me when in reality I had no clue who wrote it. Nobody had contacted me while doing so.

When all this was going on I was constantly being asked to withdraw my complaint by a lot of seniors. This included people who weren't in campus who called up my sister, Malayalis who hadn't been to campus in a long time and ex students. Some of them said that I wouldn't be allowed to work in the 'industry' (Malalam film-, I gather) after I pass out. Two seniors had a long talk with me trying to convince me that I was being made a pawn in the hands of the administration which was essentially anti-student in nature. They said that they would go on a strike which would bring the academic life to a stand still and me and my batchmates would lose a year or two. When all this failed I was ostracized along with my batch. In the Christmas party that happened a notice was put up inviting all batches from 8-10th, clearly giving out the message that us, the 11th batch was not invited. My own batchmates were very hostile to me. They held me responsible for this seclusion.

A year has passed and there still are people who consider me a black sheep. I don't really care. But this situation is scary. The campus is filled with people who are insensitive about any kind of issues. They go by the band wagon. If ragging has been happening for 17 years they will support it too. Why should anything change? Nobody cares about what is just and unjust. Nobody says a word about the casteism in campus. When students of FTII were attacked by ABVP for having invited Kabir Kala Manch to perform in campus along with the screening of Patwardhan's Jai Bhim Comrade two members of the student body came to me asking to write a letter of solidarity. They had no clue with what they were expressing solidarity. When I said that I couldn't write it on their behalf unless they agreed to the things I was writing they said mockingly, 'we agree to it all'.

Yes, that is the problem. They agree to it all. A professor says to a dark complexioned student, we will do a 'black balance' on you. The joke is that the real process is called 'white balancing'. Nobody says anything. On the contrary everyone laughs. Another says 'We have a joke in the department. During shoot we audiographers are treated like SC/ST, OBC people'. Are we serious?

Looks like they are.

I still get asked questions like 'if you were to go back in time would you have done what you did during ragging?' 'Do you still think ragging is bad?'

For the nth time, yes, yes and yes. Because

Say we forget that ragging is a punishable offense. It will be worthwhile to think why it has so many supporters in film schools. How is it that this is being followed like a ritual among a group of supposedly progressive aspiring film makers? The favourite argument of the supporters of this crime is that it is the best way to know the juniors. But this is a sadistic argument. Knowing people is not done by forcibly making them do things. The relationship between juniors and seniors is not that of a circus master and the animal they are training. Nothing gives a group of people authenticity just because they arrived in that space earlier than the others.

Then there is this argument that the raggers suffer from split personality syndrome. They are awfully mean and cruel only during ragging. After that they are good sould who offer you sweaters and tea for the cold. This reminds me of something my friend told about women who undergo domestic violence. Most of them say about their husbands 'Otherwise he is so loving'. Is this 'otherwise-love' any form of love at all? My then room mate was asked to say some swear words in the movie Gangs of Wasseypur. I don't consider this any less than verbal sexual assault. I don't think there is anything wrong in swearing. I swear myself. But I don't forcefully make people gather in a place and make them listen to me swear. Nor do I force people to swear. I have heard of such things happening only in bed. Or in porn. When she started crying she was told to consider this as a training for editing scenes with explicit content. In that case they could very well have asked her to sleep with them considering it all as training, couldn't they.

The acts you are made to do during ragging come in handy later on is another argument. For an hour or more you are asked to stand with the broom as the boom rod and the fire extinguisher as the camera etc. Is it to learn cinema this way that students write a very tough entrance exam, clear it, get shortlisted from thousands of candidates and get selected in a government funded film school? I have never seen any ragger inquiring about the physical fitness of one being ragged. What if someone has a problem standing for more than half an hour? What if they have some fracture in their arms? If something happens to the students while being ragged will they be responsible to the parents who sent them there trusting the institute? Will they be answerable for a human life?

Another way of threatening is by saying that you will suffer in the 'industry' if you don't co operate with ragging. I find this rather silly. Their argument that you will be left out in campus without support from anybody is wrong. People go through hell during each one of the productions. Whether or not they were ragged. Honestly it is only about your film making skills rather than any ragging session you have been through. And the industry they are talking about is shitty to begin with. You go out as a pass out from the institute to be scorned and scorned alone. Everybody struggles. Some make their way out, some don't. That's norm which has not been broken because of the nature of this undemocratic place. Doesn't depend of your film institute history, uh uh.

The support of faculty and other authorities is quite obvious. Some of the professors and staff give you tips for being ragged. Such and such shops sell cigarettes at these hours. So you might go there when they seniors ask you to. I entered the bad books of very many professors due to my take on ragging. That is alright. Whenever there is some change happening, whenever norm was questioned this has happened. There is no easy way out of it. Nero's party had guests.

Some of the faculty indirectly asked me to be happy that we were not being harmed physically. This is because most of them are pass outs from FTII where ragging meant getting beaten up. So? Rules were imposed for a reason. 'Sati' existed here. It was banned for a reason. But while it was happening that too had supporters.

The funniest thing I heard was said by a Malayali batchmate. He said that even though he was devastated by ragging he liked it because having read film school veterans like Bina Paul and Rasool Pookkutty's experiences in film school and ragging he so wanted to experience it.

But later when I thought of it, I realized that its quite possible. FTII is the dream of most of the aspiring film makers in the country. For Malayalis it is a famous nostalgia.

There has been a campaign that ragging is an indispensable part of film school life. There has been deliberate attempts to glorify it by recounting of stories both made-up and real. A nostalgia which can be stated along with canteen, freshers day etc. But ragging is not something to be glorified thus. This is precisely what protects it. It is just a form of torture which has the support of many. That doesn't make it right. Human beings exercising power on other human beings for no valid reason is a form of exploitation no matter what.

But I am slightly happy about some of the changes that have happened. There is an addition in the website of the institute like this. 

In it are the following contents. 

I am happy that I too had a small role to play in it.

Even though my complaint had just five names 8 students were suspended initially. Which means that there were others who even though were using me as a cover protested against it. I find it a relief. Because in places like this it is very hard to safeguard your opinion. More often than not it gets washed away in a deluge of bullshit that your classmates and professors bring with them.

Any day, with any student who protests against ragging, I will be there.