When we Played it the Eff Back: Playback Shoot is Done!

Playback project is called so because we are required to make a track, record it and play it back during shoot. Most people don't do it since most of us here are never going to make films with song sequences lip synced with music etc. Still, i liked the idea and decided to do it the conventional way.

After translating an article on Padayani and getting interested in the art form i had decided that the song portion in my playback project would be Padayani. So i had to record the track. First i thought of calling the artists to Kolkata. That proved to be very expensive for our budget. So i issued equipment from the sound department (once again) and broke rules (once again) to go to Kadammanitta, Kerala, to record my playback track. It was lovely recording on location. I hate studios for their A.C in the first place. The recorded track was of six minutes. I would be using only half of it, may be less. You can listen to it here.




When D Jeet and i started going on location recce and decided on a brick factory and its surroundings as our location for playback i changed the narrative to fit in a story of a worker there getting killed during work, leaving his wife and two children alone at home. I wanted a reality and surrealism mix. We were all set for it.

Working with D Jeet had become difficult. We were fighting all the time. I was getting anxious about the project. Was worried if personal tiffs would end up in bad quality of work. Nothing of the sort happened. During shoot we found our rapport back. But i will have to write about being a woman and handling your crew. The playback project was a huge revelation for me regarding sexism on set and location. It needs to be fought. More on that later.

As usual we took reference frames. I told D Jeet that the approach i wanted for this shoot was what could be called 'neat'. I wanted only 'neat shots'. He seemed to get it. I myself had changed a lot since short film project and realized that my shot breakdown had started to have more wide shots and less of  close ups. I discussed the shot breakdown with Subha and he gave suggestions. So did D Jeet. I took in what i felt was right and discarded others.

G Vijayan Achari and Renjith came from Kadammanitta to dance to my track. I witnessed all stages of Padayani from cutting of the sepal of areca nut trees (paala) to make costume till the point where head gear and breastplate were made using it. Each and every part of the costume is made using things available from nature. The colours are from cinder of coconut shells, powdered red stone. The green is from the green of sepals. White is the white of the inside. Even the brushes used are natural. It is amazing to watch. They said that one costume would last only for two days. Renjith made another costume on the third day.

Renjith cutting the sepals

Renjith making the headgear

The headgear

Playback project has been taken away from the curriculum of the newest batch. After my shoot i know that it is a foolish decision. This project is essential in preparing a student for their diploma project for many reasons. For one you get experience shooting in outdoor locations. You learn how to manage crowds. Where we shot the whole village was present and even started saying 'roll camera, rolling' etc after two days of shoot. Sometimes they were a problem especially for a person like me who has issues with human contact. When the crowd pushes you from behind you feel intimidated. Handling cattle, children, non actors, looking after lip sync, keeping the spirit of  the shoot intact for four whole days even when people have given up sleep and are on location doing various jobs. (one of my shifts was from 11 p.m-7 a.m) all this was making us aware of how serious a job we had undertaken. I had taken in four of my juniors as assistants and it proved to be a very good decision. They worked like there was no tomorrow that i myself was surprised. I am not sure if i would have done the same for any of my seniors.

I was happy with most of the shots. Two or three shots disappointed me and that remains meat between teeth. However, it was great to watch my batchmates grow in their work. I myself realized that i had grown a lot in my story telling, that i was able to make decisions better. D Jeet also seemed to have improved in his craft by leaps and bounds. It made me happy.
This is a shot of the shoot shot by one of my assistants, Kaustav. See how everything is planned and executed and there are no accidents? Every single person and thing in the frame has to be thought of. Accidents if any should only be good which is hardly the case during a shoot. 




Towards the end of the shoot i became rather emotional with D Jeet. The project was going to be our last together. We had good times together. They were really good. We had bad times which were really bad too. May be that was what cinema was all about. It just changes, may be?

Some stills from our shoot clicked by Kaustav, one of my assistants.

Some of our extras, all from the village

The father at the brick house.

The dance

The sleep

Update: After a long drawn out battle with practically everybody on campus, won my right to have another editor as replacement for Aalayam since my sexual harassment complaint against him was still under investigation.

Cooking Heals: PITFB Fried rice and pyaazi

With the playback project i realized that the season of losing had begun. It all started with people telling me that i had lost weight. Soon after i lost my cinematographer. D Jeet let me know that he wouldn't be working with me in Diploma project. One week into prep (Pre-production) my producer and line producer withdrew from the project because Ramana, my producer wouldn't be in Kolkata during the time of shoot. Oh yes, even before that Aalayam, my editor had let Ramana know that he wouldn't be working with me. His department started forcing me to work with him and i as usual didn't budge. I approached my senior, Subha, and he agreed to edit for me. This is outside the rules, so basically i am royally screwed.

D Jeet and i started going on recce without a producer and without money and almost decided upon a location. But while this was happening an epiphany happened to me one morning. Vai Vow came with the good news that his film had been selected for Munich film festival and they would even provide for his to and fro travel. I got really excited and laughed. Then he said victoriously that a lot of films had been sent and only his was selected. That sentence hit me hard in the head. The obsessive compulsive that i am i couldn't hear anything else after that. Even though i had not thought of that aspect till then the realization struck a severe blow that i felt i was bleeding. What he said made me think that my own work will never ever be selected anywhere and that my own film making was absolute crap. I didn't know how to make films. I started crying. It looked really funny and embarrassing. I was crying after having heard a good news. Vai Vow was worried and i tried all i could to make him understand that it had nothing to do with him or with what he said, it was just one of those lines which made you think of all things under the sun and feel like shit. So i cried till afternoon, got a terrible headache and then slept on it.

I started working from the start like how i had after my DV film which was certified shit. I was back to square one. I felt like a loser. I was depressed. So i turned to cooking. That is how i decided to make fried rice after one night i tasted the fried rice they made at the mess and felt sorry for people who ate it.

Like i said i like the colours while cooking. Hence the customary picture of beans and carrot. I used my favourite gobindobhog rice. I prepared it the previous night. It was still a little sticky. I made raita (salad) because Vai Vow loves it and had a bit of it myself (i hate curd in most forms, raita is still okay).

I used her recipe which she said always ended up looking indian somehow. I like flawed food. It makes me feel at home.
Then when i was sad again after a few days (i swear sadness after break up is so much better than sadness after life changing realizations) i decided to make pyaazi which is ullivada of non-mallus. I got the recipe from the most energetic cook on screen i have seen, Mia Kitchen. Sometimes after attending screening at main theatre most of us make a stop at the couple which makes pyaazi, aloo bhaja, gobi ka pakoda etc next to hardworking tea shop . It was when Subha once, some months ago gave me a pyaazi from his packet that i realized what they were selling and what was called pyaazi was ullivada. So i was again a loser who never had that for over two years of being here.

Anyway the ullivada i made tasted good. I had it with a little ketchup. Since we ate all of it before sethuvamma came i will make it one of these days. I can also try and prove that even though i didn't learn how to make films, i learned how to make ulli effing vada

Sandwich Maker

I hated cheese. So when Sethuvamma got me a sandwich maker (she sometimes feels like buying this i have never asked her for) i was at a loss of what to do with it other than toasting bread. I don't like the usual potato filling sanwiches which Amma nd Sethuvamma made. Trust me, when you are in Kolkata you will hunt down things which don't use aaloo (potatoes) and have just that. Bengalis have their infamous aloos in even their biriyani. I went to some food blogs and saw some sandwich recipes. Most of them had cheese. So then i decided i would make it with cheese and ask Vai Vow to eat it. That is how i made my first sandwich. Egg and cheese sandwich. It was easy as hell to make. I got the recipe from here

A slice of bread, butter it, add your egg in whichever way you like it (i used scrambled egg), a slice of cheese on it, then again buttered bread, all of it goes to the sandwich maker and it will grill it for you. Super cool. I saw that Vai Vow was liking it. I took a chance and had a bite with ketchup. It tasted yum! Did that mean that i had started liking cheese too? I didn't have time to answer those mental questions because i was soon gobbling down the rest of the sandwich. What came out of the sandwich maker was just some great filling breakfast that i had difficulty in stopping myself from making a few more. I had to stop myself because the cheese i bought was so expensive and i couldn't finish it all in a day. I had no idea that cheese was expensive. I used to think that it cost something close to what butter cost.

Sethuvamma made a visit to feed Pinchu (my cat) in the evening and i made her two sandwiches without egg. Even that tasted great. I felt so good. I decided that to make it again on Sunday. This time i would make it for three people, myself, Vai Vow and Sethuvamma. So it would be vegetable sandwich Vai Vow being an egg eating vegetarian and Sethuvamma a fish eating vegetarian. (I don't know how the most ardent non vegetarians like me end up being around people from whose lives meat, fish etc are missing. Sigh)

So on sunday i made egg sandwich with boiled egg, onion, red bell pepper, capsicum (i was taught that green bell pepper alone is called capsicum. Wikipedia says that's not true. Indianism, may be.), carrot, cucumber and mint leaves. What i like the most about vegetarian ingredients is the colour. I love all of them. I spread butter over the slices of bread and put a slice of cheese in between. When it was grilled and out it was just so lovely. Sethuvamma asked me to make an eggless one and i did. I had an eggless one myself. Even that tasted great. I cursed myself for never trying sandwiches ever since i started cooking two years ago. It is just so easy to make and just so filling and good.

With this sandwich incident i have come to realize that cinema doesn't matter after a point. If i were asked to make sandwiches through the day and didn't have to shoot my playback project i would still have been happy i guess. Now that i like cheese i think i should learn how to make cheese as well. (Yes, i am (half) crazy).

Trip to Kadammanitta and Vasudevan Pilla

When i translated the article about Padayani into malayalam i had noticed that one of the major references was the work of Kadammanitta Vasudevan Pilla. I contacted the author and my editor contacted Mr Pillai's son before i spoke. We set up a time and date for the meet.

Then i got to know that the queer pride march in Kozhikode was going to happen on the same day. I pushed the meeting a day behind and was supposed to reach Kadammanitta on 6th July 2015. On the evening before that, i leaned that there were no tickets available for Janasadabdhi, the train which would take me to Chengannur. I made up my mind to go by bus. From the new KSRTC complex in Mavoor road, i took a bus to Ernakulam. From there i took one to Kottayam. It was around 7 p.m when i reached kottayam. There was no way i could hold the meeting on that day. There was no chance that i could attend the queer pride march the next day too. Bad planning is what i was born with. Not even that. I think I was born with no planning whatsoever.
I was not sure if anybody would rent a room to a woman alone. In Trivandrum i had learned that this was not possible. In the lodge next to Kottayam bus station i pretended to be non mallu and asked for a room. They gave it readily. I am intimidated by hotel rooms. I wish it had something to do with Psycho, but sadly life is not so filmy. I have too many bad memories in hotel rooms and feel i am under threat all the time. For me those are places away from 'home'. Home was safe. Hotels were not. If the place is dirty i feel even worse. And this one was. Slovenly. I stayed there that night and set off to Thiruvalla early in the morning of the next day. From Thiruvalla i took a bus to Kozhancheri. In Kozhancheri bus station i waited for two whole hours for a bus to Kadammanitta because nobody gave me the right directions. It was sickening. I hate wasting time when i don't want to. A peanut seller took pity on me and asked why i was there for such a long time. When i said i was waiting for  a a bus to Kadammanitta he put a sympathetic hand to his own head and said so many buses had gone by. He took me to the right place.I bough narangamuttai from him and had all of them.

I had been to Kottayam once in high school for a State level science fest. Not many memories about that except the fun trip, antakshari etc. This time what i noticed was that the place was just rubber. There were rubber plantations all around and a lone house in middle. House is a petty name for those structures. Those were huge palaces. I got scared seeing some of them. Why were these people so rich?! Could anybody be so rich! I looked at all the rubber trees around the houses and got an answer. Cash crop was literally that.

I reached Kadmmanitta around 12 pm. Mr Pilla's house was right next to the temple where padayani was performed. He spoke to me about how the art form was etc. I presented the script to him and asked if there was any song which would go with that. He asked me to buy a book written by him. I said okay and he gave me a copy he had. It was Rs. 70. The book is called 'Padeni' and is published by Kerala Bhasha Institute and has around 500 pages. I would have to read it and select three song portions that i myself thought was best for the theme. I was very excited and tried hard not to show it. I got an autographed copy of the book and left saying i would get back to him after reading the book. It will travel with me from Kozhikode to Kolkata. More than films, i think i like the journeys we make to make films.

I reached back Kottayam around 3 p.m, vacated the room and went in search of a bus. One which was going to Mananthavadi was revving the engine. I jumped in. More than seven hours on that and i was back by 1 a.m in Kozhikode. I felt good to be back home. I think home is what i need the most in life. Some place to go back to. For some, it's a person. Blessed are those.

I had created a whatsapp group for the crew and kept updating everyone on it as to what was happening. Soon we would have to record the track. The excitement was slowly building up. Ah what a beautiful thing is cinema is. 

Two Ariyunda Days

I lost track of time in no time. Therefore there are no dates for my days with Vai Vow in Kozhikode. One day i decided to make ariyunda (a sweet rice ball with coconut and jaggery). I loved this snack. Sethuvamma's ariyundas were the best. Recently i noticed that they were at sale in most confectionery shops. I once had one of them and realized it was nowhere close to what we made at home. So it was that Vai Vow and i approached Sujatha that day.

Sujatha was the new mixer grinder at home. Sethuvamma had got rid of her beloved meenu mix and got Sujatha. So great was her grief about Meenu that i felt it was a member of the family. Why are mixer grinders always given female names like is the case with hurricanes and malayalam fonts?

Vai Vow said that the name Sujatha had a story. Vai's editor Lodhi had two imaginary characters in his room. One was 'doctor' and the other was Sujatha. I was very impressed with this concept. I am always impressed with madness. Sujatha in our kitchen but let us down that day. It just didn't grind the matta rice to a powder. I was so disappointed but Vai said that he would eat whatever was the outcome. Still i felt pathetic with the rice balls which looked so sad with the visible crumbs.

Then one day when i was thinking of elephants i thought may be it was not Sujatha after all. It was me. I had used normal rice. It would have been ground properly if i had used broken rice perhaps? I rushed to the Reliance store nearby and looked if they had broken matta rice. They did. So it was time for Ariyunda. With bated breath i roasted the broken rice. I gave the spatula to Vai and asked him to stir and he was quite intrigued when the rice made sounds and shrunk in size. Then i approached Sujatha. Grrrzzzzzz.... said she and lo! i had my fine rice powder. Absolute bliss!

This time i only had to click the picture of the rice balls because the rest had been clicked the last time. Vai was surprised at the difference the texture of just one ingredient made in the 'final product'. He loved the ariyundas and i was happy. I myself found that it was exactly like Sethuvamma's, may be a little better. Vai rolled a few of them and as usual named the smallest one 'chintu'.

I was on top of the world that day and forgot all about elephants.

You can get the recipe here. I don't like cashew nuts in my ariyundas so made it without them.

Faluda, Feluda etc.

On Saturday we went to the beach. Vai-Vow and I both loved it. It was a different experience for me even though I had been there many times. I realized it was not the same sea.

Usually when I go there I walk from one end of the road to another munching on roasted peanuts, salted mango, pineapple and guava (calicut has the reputation of putting anything into salted water, vinegar and chillies) and in the end have masala tea at Alibhai's Thattukada. This time I was in the mood for faluda. 

When I went to Calico Centric with kappa he asked me if Kolkata was known for faluda too. I said no. He asked me then why it was that Satyajit Ray had named his sleuth faluda. I laughed and said that it was Feluda and not faluda. He gave an embarrassed smile and pleaded that I not say it to anybody. So I thought I'll write about it. ;-) 

Speaking of Feluda, after reading the first book of 'The Complete Feluda' I had bought a tee shirt from Anand bookstall in Gariahat which had 'Feluda and Com.' written on it along with drawings of the three main characters. Some months ago I realized that it was not in my cupboard any longer. A Facebook status asking people on campus to return it if found also proved to be useless. It was Pal, batchmate from Cinematography who told me where to get the shirt. I had spotted her wearing one. When i put up the status she told me that she had lost her shirt too. Then she said that it was possible that Feluda from both our shirts had gone to solve a mystery.

A month later she got her shirt back. I did mine too, the day I had faluda with Vai Vow at 'Hollywood' ice cream parlour, Calicut beach. May be Calico was right. There was something between falu-da and Felu-da. 

faluda at 'Hollywood', Kozhikode beach

The beach was almost eaten up by the sea. Vai said that he liked areas which had less number of people. So even though it was not crowded we went to a secluded portion in South Beach. There it rained. We walked more ahead to another area where one could see the pillars from the time it was a port. Vai and I were there for a long time doing nothing. Then it rained again. It was windy too this time and I realized that my pretty little pink umbrella was very flimsy. It was threatening to break. Vai and I clicked pictures of each other trying to battle the rain. Two men were fishing. They got nothing.

vai vow at the sea, calicut

me battling the rain. click: vai vow

I longed for tea. Vai showed no sign of getting up. He asked me if I was bored. I wasn't bored but I had to have tea when I had to have tea. So we went to 'Papa's and Mama's'. He had good coffee and I had obnoxious tea. I hate it when they give tea bags. Vai Vow had an unnakkaya.

We had our faluda and returned home. It was a great day. Tiring too.

vai's unnakkaya at 'Papa's and Mama's', Calicut

What we didn't know then was that the sea had come home with us. 

Ada ada ada: When Classmates Met (PITFB)

In Kozhikode I always run into people I know. It's as natural as it is uncomfortable for me. First there is the wonderment at seeing some person when you are least expecting it. Then there is the problem of what to say. If the other person is a loquacious kind I'm saved. Otherwise I end up asking 'what do you do now' a couple of times and succumb to awkward pauses. 

My classmate and friend, Vai Vow was coming to Kozhikode that day. It was his first journey to the south of India. He was from Amravati, Maharashtra. I had invited a lot of my classmates home but most of them were as lazy as I was and so didn't make it. Vai did.

I had decided I would make ada for him. This was because Calico couldn't eat the kappa I made him because it was bad for his tummy and I felt I had to make him something he liked. I would make six. Three for Vai and three for Calico. 

I had made it once in the institute and had given it to NN and Hari. I had burnt the jaggery then and I burnt it this time too. And like how all people say, I loved the burnt taste. Next time i am sure to get it right and the shape and texture too. Taste-wise i am more than happy. Recipe again from Mishmash, the food haven.

The filling

I kept the tiffin box of adas at Calico's door, on his backless washing machine, to be precise, (yes, he has a backless washing machine propped up outside his house) I caught a bus to the railway station. There I met two people I knew.

Jeenachechi used to give me math tuition when I was in high school. Pooja was her daughter. They had returned from Kannur, where Pooja was studying. I asked her what her course was and forgot her reply immediately. Then someone patted me on my back. It was Vai. I let out a shriek and started laughing. He laughed too. It was the most absurd thing for both of us. We would never have imagined that we'd meet in Kerala. 

I was relieved I could take leave of Jeenachechi and Pooja. Vai and I proceeded out of the station to have our first tea together in Kozhikode. After tea he bought himself an umbrella like we had decided earlier. That was one thing he would need while in Kerala in June. 

When we reached home I gave him ada and he liked it. I was happy. My days as a host was starting. I was tense. Also excited. I didn't know what to do. Two film students stuck with each other is more awkward than silences in my opinion.

PITFB: When Kozhikode Joined FTII in its Protest

On 17th June 2015 a group of youngsters who joined hands through social media organized a protest meeting in solidarity with FTII (Film and Television Institute of India) at Mananchira. I went. Back in Kolkata SRFTI (Satyajit Ray Film and Television Institute of India) had already held protest meetings. It was in solidarity with FTII and also against the changes in syllabus and in particular to save the playback project for the junior batches. FTII had protested against the appointment of Mr. Gajendra Chauhan as its Chairperson. Mr. Chauhan's only claim for eligibility for the post seemed to be that he played Yudhishtir in Mahabharata series. Apart from this he was also busy being an active Narendra Modi supporter and making promotional videos? for the P.M. Clearly, the aim was to saffronize the school. We couldn't let that happen. A huge majority of people in these two film schools were ones who had cinema as their passion. Most of us believed in freedom of expression and independent film making. We respected art. We hated propaganda.

When i saw my classmates and fellow film mates sing and shout in protest i felt restless at home, Kozhikode. The next day SRFTI ans marched to JU (Jadavpur University) and students there too joined. Eminent film makers from the city who were also alumni of FTII joined the rally. I couldn't sleep. The next day i saw on social media that a group of people were organizing a similar protest in Mananchira and that another one of the same kind was going to be held at Kochi. I felt proud. I liked it also because these were not film students, but only people who genuinely understood how serious the matter was and felt the need to resist it.

Sky was overcast even at 3:45 p.m. A small group of people were sticking signs on a cloth which was wrapped around the base of statue of S.K Pottekkad.There were some familiar faces.

By the time i had a coffee and two teas and came back at 5 p.m Shahabaz Aman, renowned composer and ghazal singer was there. We circled the park singing, raising slogans against fascism and asking Gajendra Chauhan to 'go back'. After reaching S.K again several people spoke of the need to resist saffronization of art, history etc across the country. Among them were film makers like Gopal Menon and Anil Kumar. Mr. Anil Kumar spoke of how farcical it was that Mr Chauhan 'assured' that his politics wouldn't be propagated while he was chairperson. He said that his appointment itself meant his politics and was a sign of how it was going to be spread on campus. Shahabaz Aman sang 'Zammilooni', a song from the film 'Annayum Rasoolum'. He said that he chose it because of its director Rajiv Ravi, acclaimed cinematographer and director who had earlier expressed solidarity with the strike at FTII.

Shahabaz Aman sings Zammilooni

It rained intermittently. People sang and spoke through it. It felt good.

I am yet to arrange artists for my playback (Play it the F**k Back or PITFB) project. This is more important as of now. Politics is inseparable from art and this has to be made clear in all ways possible. All art was political and that was why artists had to be responsible. We shall not let it be engulfed by Sangh Parivar goons. June was approaching its end. The next day, Vai, my classmate was going to arrive. I was excited and equally scared. I was a terrible host and the house was a mess.

Play it the Eff Back: At Home and Brooding, and Cooking for Calico. Yo!

So on saturday i felt like cooking. Decided to make kappa (tapioca) erissery for Calico and his wifey. He in turn would give me my evening tea. Nice deal. I love kappa. Always loved what Sethuvamma made at home. She used to make us kappa with simple seasoning to eat with yummilicious and hot chilly chutney (mulakuchammanthi). With kappa erissery which was kappa with ground coconut paste she would give us fish curry. It's a combination made in food heaven. Mouth waters even as i type.

The day before Calico had bought me my favourite chicken biriyani from Paragon, Calicut's busiest restaurant. After food he took me to their bakery and treated me to Kashmiri halwa which i was having for the first time. It wasn't great, but was not bad either. So it was pay back time too, for Calico's biriyani treat.

chicken biriyani at paragon

Kashmiri halwa

I am an erratic cook. I cook when i feel like it not when i am hungry. I don't have a family to feed so i don't have to be a responsible cook. I didn't make fish curry or even a chutney to have with kappa. Calico would definitely have some pickle at his den, i said reassuringly in my head.

At Kolkata i never got kappa. Once when NN went to Bombay, where her home is, she got me kappa from a malayali store there. That was our first kappa in Kolkata. I had overcooked the kappa that time and wanted to get it right this time at home. I did.

The recipe from one of my favourite food blogs, Mishmash, was the same as Sethuvamma's and that was what i always used. I crushed the coconut with my hands because like i said my cooking is rather bizarre and i was lazy to find the lid of the mixer jar. Hand crushing works just fine.

Cooking at home is the best thing. You have everything you want at your disposal. Only have to step out to get curry leaves. Have a vaakkathi (a big knife which is great for breaking coconut shell) in your kitchen to break coconut. A coconut scraper fixed to the kitchen slab. Bah! As a Bengali would exclaim.

When i went to calico with my kappa i realized that he didn't eat it. It was not good for his tummy. So i gave it to his wifey and his parental home and had a lot of his tea and left to buy some gold (within Rs 1000 to wear in my many ear piercings. Like stingy mother, like stingy daughter) from Bhima. Got just what i wanted in Rs 990. Ah, precision, i say.

It was a kappalicious day and i felt good. For some time. As for the work regarding our Playback project (where a track has to be played back during shoot. In a very narrow sense, a song picturisation) which i call the play it the fuck back project, i did nothing. I was just being at home and alone. I liked it that way. D Jeet was happy with this arrangement too. He always liked it when i was at a distance from him. I wonder if it's just me or all cinematographers prefer it that way with their directors. I hope it's the latter but know that it's the former. :)

kappa erissery

Note to self: Need to get a good camera as soon as possible to get the colours right. Food in wrong colours is a sad sight. Hmmph.